Monday, February 21, 2005

The Real UN Blog

Monday - 4:14 pm
Didn’t feel like blogging much today. Poppa called this morning; he was looking into that kerfuffle in Darfur with J.C. in Paris and wanted to know which wine went with truffles. I hope they liked that plucky ’79 I suggested; it’s going for as much as twenty barrels in some restaurants.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

8:47 pm
Sixteen Canadian ice-hockey players have applied for refugee status in Belarus claiming they’ll be persecuted by team owners if they return to their homeland. Capitalism’s flaws are so obvious, even an idiot can see them. I don’t understand why the change-over is taking so long?
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

Tuesday - 8:34 am
More dead people everywhere today. KY called from Geneva, the connection was bad; he really should switch to a satellite video phone. VD and I both have them; the detachable hair brush is a real life saver. It also has culturally sensitive ring tones and translates menu items with voice command. And it even has all the five-stars already programmed in the memory. Well, the ones that matter, anyway ;<)
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

10:22 am
This is good news: Canada has just agreed to purchase ‘band-width credits’ from countries that don’t have internet access. I am acting as Thuego-Fungi’s official interim representative to the UN; they don’t even have electricity! Memo: open a new account after lunch.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

Just watched the press conference; what’s with that look on Paul Martin’s face? Is someone putting laxies in the Dom again? Ha, ha. But seriously, he looks like he’s been through a monkey wash. Is he sedated? He acts like he’s just going through the motions. Is one of his relatives involved in wealth redistribution negotiations? I’ll check with poppa later.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

1:20 pm
Flew over what’s left of Indonesia this morning on the way to have brunch at Raules’. The buffet was to die for. I said to KA ‘Tidal wave or not, I’m having the salmon.’ He laughed the way he always does when I work ‘food’ into a sentence. Or should I say sentence? Ha, ha. Later we called BC long distance about hiring an automobile mechanic, and putting the brakes on this Senate investigation non-sense.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

7:20 pm
Just saw a Jew checking in, in the hotel lobby; will have to talk to C.T. about a new UN resolution, re: accommodations.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

Thursday – 6:15 am
Blogging will be light today, Going to Riyadh; Toyota just announced their fantabulous new line of peace keeping vehicles and a Sheik formerly known as a Prince, said he’d put me in the drivers seat by lunch. I promise a full report when I return.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

Just got back from ‘observing’ the new vehicles: Wow!!! The new 4 x 4 ‘Runaround’ is perfect for the UN. GPS and DSL satellite uplink are standard, as are marble floors, but get this; there’s an ‘Observers Package’, including, drivers side ATM, en-suite bath/wine bar, and a ‘change on the fly’ policy advisor. The owners’ manual is written in anti-American slurs understandable in forty-four languages. Someone really did their home work with this baby; very Impressive. KA ordered five-hundred. I get mine on my birthday.

Friday – 9:41 am
Canada just sent their first suitcase full of money for causing global warming and destroying the environment [You say Kyoto and I say Toyota. Ha, ha]. It will barely cover the bar tab from last month’s workshop on racism, but it’s good to get the stupider countries into the habit. Things won't be the same around here without you Jean, you’re the only person in Casablanca with less scruples than I have.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

Update: Why is the word ‘Tire’ printed on all their bank-notes?

7:00 pm
KY just asked me to be a weapons inspector; I just about died. Of course I was going to say ‘yes’, but I was in one of my moods and said, ‘only if I can have that little African Republic on the coast’; I was only kidding; I never thought he’d actually give it to me. Oh well, like nanny said, ‘be careful what you wish for’. Gotta go pack.
Posted by: Cappuccino Kid

Update: The limo is outside, and I’m off to Quazimulletland to look for WMD’s – that’s Women Madame’s and Dames. Ha Ha. Blogging will be light for the next few years.

Update: Heh!

Italics Mine.


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