Monday, June 19, 2006

Oh, Oh Canada

TORONTO - The RCMP overcame tremendous odds and announced the arrest of seventeen youths chosen at random from all walks of life and holding a coalition of diverse opinions on everything from the Kyoto Accord and Soft-wood Lumber Agreement to who should be the Stanley Cup play-offs MVP. “Some are youthful and some are young, some are male and some are even young, youthful males, while others have just left puberty; you just can’t generalize” said police spokesperson P.C. Cave at a morning press conference.

The seventeen have been charged with obtaining explosives and plotting to murder polite Canadians.

In a poorly thought-out statement by local apologist and sorta-Christian Peacemaker James Loney, the seventeen were provoked by the backlash they believed their actions would cause.

Nine of the seventeen say they were tortured while in captivity by being forced to watch Celine Dion Specials on DVD, however the other eight admitted they didn’t really mind because “one of them cleared up the confusion about where babies come from”.

The Koran forbids ‘specials’ celebrating events marked on a solar calendar.

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